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October 31st, 2003

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October 30th, 2003

05:50 pm - i think your bruise was understated I'm so mad that i can't go see them. i'm rediculous. i hate people. not all of them, just most. most of them really suck ass. today was okay i figured out why i hate some of my classes, but i'm not saying why, its completely bitchy. but true none the less. i got to see anna laura last night. finally. i love her so much. her hair is awwwweeesome. i admire her for it. i don't know whats going on tomorrow. i don't know whose coming over or what time. if you had planned to come over at some point, please let me know. my mom needs to know these things. i need to do some homework... maybe get some more sleep. forget about the day and how much people suck. without ... weed... Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: deathcab

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October 29th, 2003

06:13 pm - it always is the same I'm so angry with quite a few people and no i don't have pms. i have just cause. thats worse. you know i hate to be bitter and jadded and cynical, but sometimes i can't take any more. just when i thought things were going quite well... they crumble. those of you i'm angry with...well i'm sure you have some clue of it. liz i love you, i made you a sign and its really pretty but i didn't see you today. i feel like isolating, but i'm giving it one more shot before doing that. i'm about to go to church. i cut my hair. yes by myself. i like it. not a big deal. people probably won't notice. god i hope all this crap turns around...if it doesn't...i wanna move home. Current Mood: angry Current Music: bright eyes

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October 26th, 2003

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October 25th, 2003

08:04 pm - tonight i'm gonna go out wit carlita. i'm not really sure what we be doin. i dont really care either. so yeah... i wanta have fun thats all i ask. not too much. uhh yeah... liz holla atcha grrrl. k? byeee. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: missy elliot

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11:38 am - we were waiting yesterday is all a blur. anna and i hung out for a bit, and that of course was fun. after that i had to baby sit and came home at 9:30 and passed out. today... today i don't know if you wanna hang out again anna... too much of me yesterday? but umm yeah, i got up like half an hour ago. i love fall. its so beautiful. absolutely gorgeous. i wanna go play outside in the leaves. i'm making stacias bag today. i hope it comes out good. later Current Mood: content Current Music: copeland

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October 24th, 2003

03:14 pm - i'll take you there umm so I had an alright day. disappointed bout sat scores. i didn't do horrible. but i didn't do well. o well. i have 3 bags to make for friends that = cash for me. if you want one all make you one too! $20 for whatever you want. colors, words, size of the bag... i make scarves too. good christmas presents... i feel cheap. but i need money guys. umm... i need a fun weekend. and sleep. byeee. Current Mood: blank Current Music: rufio

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October 23rd, 2003

08:35 pm - sit and listen caleb, anna, and i all have horrible dreams nearly every night. in response to yet another...and boredom as well this was written. the drops of terror in their crimson flare fill the mouth of one who rests, but resting none till rest is done the minds distortions demensions, contortions blackoned perfection to deaths grip they each cryptically beckon binding with black rope to neck while i grope hope to find an end rendered powerless as the next begins the flames that do singe they're breaking my skin burning flesh to bone as my mouth fills in flood flow of these moans waking is sweetest sickening dreams nest but i don't find rest and this barron black skull is all thats left take from me this vile weapon of dreams i no longer will know the torture that kills and slowly takes toll. i'm a little depressed today... i don't know whats wrong with me. all i want to do is sleep, but sleep isn't even sleep anymore. i need something or someone... later. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: gary jules

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October 21st, 2003

10:34 pm - flooded my sisters lost. she's so bruised by image driven lives that crush her lungs. shes pulling for the end and reaching out a hand for help. but she ramains in those depths of which i cannot defy. i'm doing all i can. i pray not in vain. my friend is losing grip. she's dwindling on the edge. grasping winds that change with tide. and shriviling with the cold of night. i'm calling to her, and i'm fighting for the grasp of her hands as she falls into the pit. i dream of happiness in her. i pray not in vain. a boy is filling with the black. consumed in its decadent arms. the beckon with inviting eyes that transcend the vision of his own. the pull him and push him and he's gone. i'm giving my comfort for his i pray not in vain. i love these so close that i'm willing to lose myself. don't fall so far, that i can't hope to one day meet you at those depths. i will give all of me, i pray not in vain. today was so beautiful. enough i'd hoped to heal. but i don't know. i love you. don't forget. to forget that, is to forget me. -not in vain- Current Mood: exanimate Current Music: the postal service: this place is a prison

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October 20th, 2003

06:14 pm - shake it i feel like i'm on a merry go round. you know that feeling where you look all around you and see the world go by so fast. you hold on so tight, but you always feel like you're gonna fall. the breeze inspired by motion runs through your hair and you're smiling and laughing and terrified all at the same time. i'm so happy these days and I'm so afraid its gonna end soon. it doesn't seem real. i'm reading inferno and its scary. its like the fire and brimstone messages of edwards. its scaring me into being good. but i'm being better anyway, its so much easier when you're happy anyway. finally the life i've never believed in. i'm going to school late tomorrow. my little underling classmates are taking the psat and act. i don't feel like siting in homeroom with a bunch of people i don't know or like for 3 hours. i plan on actually doing my homework and cleaning up a bit. i can't wait for the time change. its always so dark. i had a dream like that last night. its kind of disturbing right now. god, what the hell is wrong with my subconscious? yeah i get my sat scores on friday. cross your fingers, my mom's holding out for a 1550. hahahaha. o mom. later. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: outkast

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